i'd hear heaven - hedley

so close your eyes there's no suprise you'll realize they hear you
just hide your fear come closer dear it's hard when no one loves you
i'm on the soul of every role of every place your taking
until i'm done just stay for fun tomorrow's breaking even

too late never say tomorrow is another day
one love i'm one away i never thought that i'd hear heaven say
inside i know the way she fell like fire i forgot to play
one love i'm one away i never thought that i'd hear heaven say

we've lost our chance our one last dance them circumstances fail us
we'd wait too long they found our song it seems like time's against us
maybe it's me i'm overboard and singing for no reason
but life is light love like a fight today we're breaking even

too late never say tomorrow is another day
one love i'm one away i never thought that i'd hear heaven say
inside i know the way she fell like fire i forgot to play
one love i'm one away i never thought that i'd hear heaven say

everyone here thinks i'm crazy
seems like most of us love lazy
waiting round here is amazing
everyone runs like its hazy

too late never say tomorrow is another day
one love i'm one away i never thought that i'd hear heaven say
inside i know the way she fell like fire i forgot to play
one love i'm one away i never thought that i'd hear heaven say

true love never say tomorrow is another day
one love i'm one away i never thought that i'd hear heaven say
inside i know the way she fell like fire i forgot to play
one love i'm one away i never thought that i'd hear heaven say

[kung fu post. do not read if not interested.]

Ever since I was in junior high, kung fu has been my hobby. I picked it because it was something that no other person at sch was doing, it was sort of a typical asian thing to do and let's not forget that song "everybody loves kung fu fighting." At the time, I lived about 5 blocks away from chiu lau kung fu and it seemed like the answer... after about two yrs and a sudden realization that all he did was take our money, I quit. I went half a yr without kung fu and was inevitably drawn back when my brother came up with the idea to join ging wu... almost 4 yrs later, I've got mixed feelings about it.

On the one hand, I really love how involved in the community ging wu is. All the tournaments and demos have been great experiences but I'm sort of at a crossroads since I'm not technically advanced or intermediate... somewhere in the middle... I basically feel like they consider me advanced and expect me to help out with teaching when it's convenient for them. Another thing that has always given ging wu a bad rap is that quite a few of the advanced ppl are extremely cocky. Now behind this cockiness is an obvious (at least to me) fear, I've noticed that these same cocky individuals will not try new moves in front of everyone else because obviously when trying something new, there's a huge probability that you'll look like an idiot. This is a major reason for why these ppl end up focusing all their energy on one thing they're good at and neglecting other things.

I've gotten a bit caught up in this behaviour but no more. I'm sure the advanced ppl talk shit about me behind my back anyway so why not make a fool out of myself if it might make me better in the long run? I just need to take a step back from wanting so desparately to make sijea and let the hoggers hog the class, I don't need to teach. I definitely don't want to become a hogger. Who knows? Maybe becoming sijea is in my future, but if not that's ok too.

So I've been on a bit of a roll in terms of blogging and thought I'd keep it up. I now totally understand why some of my high sch friends (mainly the ones who don't go to the u) were so mad at me when I totally ignored them last yr during sch. In my defence, first yr was very scary. But that's neither here nor there... the point is it's not that said friend can't make time for you, they choose not to. Maybe in the grand scheme of things, having your teenage friends like you is not a big deal. I know a lot of ppl who don't think they'll remain friends after sch. I guess those ppl would opt to pick sch over friends. Remember that episode of the o.c. where oscar was tryin to steal marissa away from ryan and oscar said "don't mess up your life for some girl you're not gonna care about in 5 yrs"? Well, I guess that summarizes what might be the reasoning for why some ppl just disappear when sch is in. In conclusion, if someone ever tells you how sad they are that they don't get to see some of their friends every day even though this person knows full well exactly where those ppl are and chooses not to walk the extra 5 min to the next building (say from cab to hub) to see them... I don't know... smack them or somethin.... and smack me if I'm bein a hypocrite which is entirely possible in this case.

I've been ignoring my blog lately. I guess it's partly because life is pretty boring as per usual but mainly, I just don't really know how to express what I'm feeling. If you've ever seen the episode of undergrads where nitz has an identity crisis, then that's pretty close. For the most part, I like bein single but recently I've been goin through a period of really wishin I had someone. I'll get over it soon but till then, bleh. (It's a cycle, yay I'm single...... boo I'm single.. yay...... boo.. you get the point.) A major part of how I'm doin lately is the whole friends thing. Part of me really wishes I had more friends but I like the ones I have and I'm supremely bummed out that this yr, I haven't seen the same ppl I used to see every day last yr. Might be a factor in why this sch yr sucks.

Hey kiddies. Just a quick recap of what's been goin on, nothin terribly interesting though. No more work but sch this yr sucks more than last... not entirely sure why.

I don't have to work tomorrow so that means I can go to sleep later.

Chris has sort of pushed me to explain more of my last monday blog mainly for clarity sake for myself. Besides the obvious that some of the ppl I feel the least comfortable around are the ones I've known for the least amount of time, I've also semi discovered that I am very concerned about what impressions I leave. That is a huge part of this problem since I tried so hard to leave a good first impression that it's created a snowball effect where every time I see these ppl, I want to give them the person they first met or if I felt like I left a bad first, then I try to make up for it.
Another huge factor is I meet a lot of ppl through existing friends and however that friend views me is imparted on the new person. I just kinda fit into whatever description that friend gave to make things easier.
I'm gonna try to make the atmosphere around me more lax, gonna be more myself and let whoever decide for themselves.

So there you go ladies and gents, the three of you who read my blog had all made a comment about it and questioned what exactly I was tryin to say and I hope that clears it up a bit.