Words to live by: There's nothing wrong with you that changing yourself completely won't fix.

I'm so utterly frustrated with so much in my life that it's killing me. I obviously haven't been going at things the right way cause I always end up in the same situations, constantly bitching about the same things. So here's what I have to do, instead of trying to talk to my parents, I'm just gonna minimize my contact with them as much as possible. No good can come of trying to reason with them. My dad is just far too overprotective which I know means he loves me but I feel as if I'm at a point in my life where, for the most part, I can make my own decisions so I will try to treat him with respect but in terms of letting him control me, that's definitely over since I feel as if I'm not gettin anythin out of listening to his lame rules. My mom on the other hand is on this kick of tryin to be the perfect parent, well I'd have to say she's failing miserably. Without a doubt going through menopause, she just picks on the most miniscule details to blow out of proportion; the smallest things she does for me she expects fuckin mother of the year awards for. I'm not gonna grovel at your feet for driving me to the bus stop which is on your way to work, deal with it. It's all about indifference. Better days.

I dont think I've ever hated anythin more than univ. I mean, sure, it gives me that smug feeling of superiority until I realize I'm not doin so hot. I came in with such fear and enthusiasm, I honestly thought that it would be the beginning of the rest of my life. Well, life definitely sucks right now. Let's recap first term: Bio 107: C+; Chem 101: B-; Chem 161: C+; Math 113: B and let's not forget full year Eng 101 which I really suck at but retaking it won't make me write any better so I'm trudging along at the moment hoping to pick up my mark. So that brings us to an average somewhere between a C+ and B-; for quite a while, I kept thinkin if I had just went to Math classes and hadn't gotten so cocky and lazy I could have easily gotten a B+ and my average would have been B-. But last night, it dawned on me, that if I had just dropped Chem 161 my average would have been at least B- most likely higher due to more free time for the other subjects.

Now you'd think that I'd have learned my lesson by now but history has repeated itself and I got 15% under average on my Chem 163 midterm, as most of you know from my incessant grumbling, last term I got 20% under average on the first Chem 161 midterm and all term I had to pull this mark up only to get a measly C+. Well, I don't want another C+ so I dropped 163 today. I hope it was the right thing to do. I did say I was gonna do better this term and hopefully that will happen now that I've postponed gettin that elusive second term of organic out of the way.

Back to the present, I've gotten a couple other marks back. I think I mentioned before that I beat the Bio average by a bit; today I got my stat exam back and I'm pretty happy with the mark. I'm tired of feeling like I could've done so much better.

Leave me the FUCK alone. I am so ridiculously sick of my mother.

So it's been a while since I've had a feeling sorry for myself kind of blog, well here it is. I'm really questioning why it is I'm doing what I'm doing. When I think about what I truly wanna do with my life, I draw a complete blank so I'm on this path that my mom wants me to be on. It's just definitely not the right one for me; it's one thing to utterly despise what you do but it's another when you're not even remotely good at it.

Hello all. Just takin a short break from cramming for my exam tomorrow. I actually feel pretty confident that I'll do well but I'm sure others also will.... this is where the curve sucks. Damn keeners probably studied the entire reading week.... me, I had 3 good solid productive days outta 9.
Side note: rum is the best bar I've ever been to.... sure, I've really only been to like 3 bars but still.
Anyhoo, that's all for now. I gotta get back to the books.

operation back fat: day 1

I am so grateful that I did not throw up yest... I was really pushin my body by drinkin way too fast. I was feeling super dizzy and just generally disoriented but I'd like to consider myself a pretty good drinker to the point where if I encounter a parent, I can force myself to walk in a straight line and speak in intelligible sentences. So when my mom came out of her room yest at 1230ish when I came home, I was able to walk up the stairs without falling or tripping of any kind. We even had a small conversation... about what I'm uncertain... I think she asked me if the stove was off and somethin else stupid before that like "you're home?" Feeling that lousy can really make you appreciate the smaller things in life, for instance, your fine motor skills and eye-hand coordination. On a positive note, my dad seemed to be happy that I got home relatively early. I wish I could say that I had a lot of fun last night to shut olia up but I gotta say, I didn't feel so great. My fault, live and learn.

So I was watchin law and order: svu and the description that the asian psychiatrist gave for this mother totally reflected my mom.... creepy... what he said was that in her world, anyone who opposes her views or questions what she deems to be right, she considers her enemy. Also, she has a borderline personality disorder which makes her so paranoid that she has to exude complete control over her sons and the love that she has for them is a narcissistic, twisted kind.

Hmm.. better days.

Wow, today I put a huge dent in my bank account. Bought a bed (queen size!!!) sweet... no more sleepin on my dinky twin mattress. Life is all about sacrifices. Better days

Evening ladies and gents, I really don't have much to say.... Reading week is almost upon me so life is pretty good right now. I do have a midterm on the tues afterwards but I'm not too bitter about it since I will get a chance to actually study instead of crazy cramming. Anyhoo, I should probably get started on my stat homework due tomorrow. Better days.

I hate it when my mom opens my mail.

Bio 108 midterm 1: average = 34.7/46
my mark = 37/46
pretty decent considering I didn't start studyin for the mon exam until about 3pm sunday

I will never cease to be amazed. Just when I think I've got someone figured out, they just have to do something to take me by surprise. (cliched yes, invalid no)
Whether they're aware I know what they've done or not, it seems I've been mistaken about quite a few individuals. Some turn out to be better than I give them credit for but others tend to be less reliable than I previously believed. I just don't know what to make of it anymore.

On a side note: wushu and magic sound similar in canto... I'm so white-washed.

I must admit, for a quite a while, I was generally happy for whatever reason I'm not sure of. I'm also unaware of what's changed but all things must come to an end since I'm currently feeling pretty miserable. More on this if I figure out why it is I'm feeling the way I am. Better days.

Hmm... what's happening this month?

2nd: bio midterm 1
4th: bio lab quiz 1
10th: stat lab 2 due
11th: stat midterm 1, bio lab report 1 due
12th: organic midterm 1, eng short piece due
13th: stat assignment 2 due
14th-22nd: reading week
24th: chem 102 midterm
29th: nothing really happening here just that 2004 is a leap year

... reading week will save me....