Ahhhh! It's halloween and this is my 5th blog today. That should tell you that I have no life. Oh, how I wish I was 18, I could be out drinkin but nope, stuck here handin out candy. So far, 12 kids...... Awfully dead out there. *shrugs* more candy for me. All things willing, this will be my last blog of the day. Have a good night and happy halloween

I'm really tense, actually lookin forward to my creepy bachelor uncle comin over tomorrow as he will give me a professional massage. I hope he doesn't try to talk to me.

I think I've finally gotten over the guy. Finally, my stress has come in handy. I feel like it has blocked those thoughts out of my mind for over a week. I'm very happy about this but my mind is still weighed down with thoughts of school so I may not look happy.

I hate to be a hypocrite but so many people are just far too negative. We let ourselves get caught up in all the things that are going wrong or things we could be missing out on. And only every once in a while, if ever, do we stop to think bout the things we are doing wrong and things we could do to gain more in life. I mean, everything bad that has ever happened to me, I deserved it. So why shouldn't the opposite be true? If we want something good to happen, we have to do it ourselves and perhaps the universe will help us along the way.

Allo allo! I must find a way to organize my time better. I'm forced to become an antisocial in the hopes of doing well in sch to make up for my rough start. I don't know how long I can keep this up, hopefully until finals are over. My date of freedom: dec 12. I plan to really make use of my christmas break so that I am fully refreshed for the second term. I got my math mark back today, feelings of frustration are, once again, arising. I did pretty well although I am certain I could've gotten at least 7% higher had I been better rested and thinking more clearly. Still, I got well above class average so I guess I'm content. There's only room to go up from here.

I got my bio lab report today, I put next to no effort into it and that's the mark I got. Next to nothing. I'm really dissapointed in myself for fuckin up yet again but it seems I have yet to learn my lesson. Also, I realised that I screwed up my organic lab (dumped what I needed and kept what I don't.) I'll have to have a talk with my t.a. I must start doin the prelab assignments well in advance so that I have time to understand what it is I'm sposed to do in the lab.

Lately, I feel I have a lot of pent up frustration that I have been unable to vent due to my lack of attending kung fu classes. I must go on mon to rid myself of some stress.

I think someone's birthday is this week...... I can't remember who or what day though. I blame it on all the cramming.

I got my bio midterm mark back, pretty dissapointing. I was slightly below average and fucked up on a couple questions that I know for a fact I could've gotten right. (Which would've put me on the average and I'd be fine with that.) I really wanna get my math mark back, perhaps it'll be some good news for once.
It's really time to get my shit together since I have another organic midterm thurs, this is my chance to redeem myself althought I'm already falling behind on my studyin for that.... I still have this weekend which means I will most likely forego invitation to go see Kill Bill even though it sounds like an interesting view. "There's no time like the present" to really become a keener. You see, I went to a nerdy junior high which pushed me to really study and do my homework; however, I seem to have lost this skill amidst the 3 years of attending Queen E. To sum it up: I'm screwed. I really need to get at least average on this next organic midterm but I'm afraid I won't get much studying done this weekend since my aunt from new york is in town and it would obviously be rude of me to ignore the elaborate family dinners that are coinciding with her time here.

On a side note, as soon as my chem 101 midterm is over I plan to study my ass off for bio. It really bothers me that I didn't live up to my expectations.

I really miss kung fu. I didn't go on mon because of a family dinner and I'm not going today since I need to study for my bio lab quiz. I'll probably go next mon but definitely not wed as this is the day before my organic mid term. Grr, I'm really trying to go to all the classes I can but it seems like I only make it to about half of them. Not only is this a waste of money but also I feel like I'm not really putting enough into the club.


I really hate that I wasted a little over 2 years at chiu lau...... I always think that if I had invested that time and money into ging wu, I'd be a lot more talented by now. That place just wants to milk ya for all you're worth. Not only is the monthly fee higher than ging wu's, they charge you extra for weapon class and attending tournaments. I went to the ging wu tourney in '99 (had to pay a small fee of $5 for the extra tourney training class) and by the 2000 ging wu tourney, the fee for the class to get ready for a tourney that cost $30 was $100!!!!!!!! So I said screw it and quit that summer. Ugh, just a really big waste overall. Time and money.

It seems following my dad's overprotective rules has gotten me jack shit. I'm never gonna be able to drive alone, what the fuck am I sposed to do. I don't even wanna buy my own car but he's forcing me. I can't sit around and wait for him to decide I'm a good enough driver. FUCK!!!!!!!! I've had enough of this shit. My own parents think I'm too stupid to drive alone, they don't trust me worth dick.

As long as my dad lives, he'll do everything in his power to keep me from havin any freedom, why the fuck did I ever believe he would be reasonable? He fuckin gets home from work at 4, is it too much to ask to borrow it on fri nights?!?!?! Apparently so.
If I still can't drive on my own by the end of apr, I'm gonna hafta buy my own car.

There's two absolute truths I've discovered in my 17 yrs:
1. You can't rely on anyone. If you don't care bout yourself, no one else will.
and
2. Nobody knows yourself better than you do.
so don't let anyone tell you to calm down, and that you're overreacting. How the fuck would you know if I'm gonna be ok?!?! I know myself and I know when I'm screwed.

Please note that by "the mall" I am referring to west edm mall.

Hello. I've been a bit busy the past week due to a couple of midterms I knew I had to put some effort into. I wasn't about to let myself fail another one. Oh ya, I guess I haven't informed everyone yet, I failed my 161 midterm and the average was 69.4% so I really have to ace the next one to be ok in that class. In chem 101, I got slightly above average; yay for me! And I just wrote the bio on wed and math today. I think there's a very real possibility I got 100% on the math since I already took math 31 in high sch and the bio seemed ok, perhaps 75-85% hopefully.

I stopped by the mall today for the first time in quite a while to buy a present for my baby cousin who is comin tomorrow along w/ my auntie and her husband from new york. It's a cute little diesel shirt, it's red since she's a girl. I hope she doesn't grow out of too fast 'cause I paid 26 bucks for it.....

I was 'sposed to see a movie tonight but the friend of a friend of mine whose phone number I had didn't pick up her phone so I came home instead. It may be for the best; I am so burnt out from those exams, it feels like my mind is numb. Maybe I should take a nap or somethin....... I still haven't gotten around to shoppin for myself, winter's comin so it's time to put away the t's I've been wearin lately and time to buy nice new sweaters and such. Also, some new pairs of jeans would be nice, now if only I could convince someone to go to the mall with me......

I gotta get my act together.

Damn midterms. I really wanna go to kung fu tomorrow but I know I'll be sorry if I do. Gotta strap myself down for another installment of cramming. Although, this time it's bio........ so much memorization....... which reminds me, I really need to start goin to the workshops... right after exam week, starting next tues. Also, I'm plannin to start goin to the chem 161 help sessions put on by my prof starting next wed. hopefully, they're helpful, if not I'll just go to the t.a. run sessions.

I hate the fact that a lot of my time goes into sittin around feelin sorry for myself. In the grand scheme of things, I know that my life is pretty decent but sometimes I just feel so alone. It's like I'm reachin out but there's no one there to save me.
Here's the story: I've settled for too many guys already so I've decided to only go for guys I actually like (a lot). And I liked this one guy for a really, really long time thinkin he was "the one" but it turns out he thinks practically nothin of me, so this leads to me constantly thinkin if the nicest guy is, in reality, a jerk then what are the chances that I'll find a good guy? It's quite the depressin thought especially since I already knew, in my heart of hearts, that the guy was too good for me but I let myself fall for him anyway. I think I'm over him but sometimes I'm not so sure, I keep havin to remind myself that's he's a jerk even though he hides it so well.

Funny how things come up and kinda mess up your day. I did get my eye exam and flu shot (after waiting for over an hour). Like my brother says, "what's the point of even makin an appointment?" But no hair cut and no shopping....
Which brings me to my next point, who wants to hang out fri? I'm finally free, but only for fri night since my auntie from new york is comin on sat. That's it for now, gotta get a little studyin done....

Welps, my creepy bachelor uncle is comin tomorrow.... I totally forgot. But at least I can probably get him to drive me downtown to get my flu shot which will mean more sleep since I don't have to get up early to go with my mom.

Sat, gotta sit around my mom's optical full of bums till the optometrist has some free time to give me an eye exam, then I'll prolly head to chinatown to get a haircut, maybe squeeze in some shoppin at e. centre which will be the highlight of my weekend, then my flu shot. After all these errands, I may or may not stop by the downtown library for a few hours of studyin. My god, I'm a daredevil!

Hey guys! Back for another installment, are we? Well, I can't blame you since I am incredibly interesting. I'm surprisingly happy today considerin the fact that I am seriously sleep deprived due to stayin up to finish my bio lab report. I think I'm gettin too old for this stuff. I was actually nodding off at about 1230...... not that late in the grand schem of things, I suppose. Still, I only got about 6 hours of sleep last night since I had to go to sch early to do my math assignment. I'm skipping math right now since I had to go hand in my assignment before 3 and my late lab report. Just countin the minutes till chem 101 class...... then afterwards, goin to the downtown library to get my homework done so as to free up the rest of the weekend to study...... my god, when did I become such a loser? Oh ya, right about the time I realized I'm gonna fail my midterms. *shrugs* Better days!

Well, the 161 midterm went just as I suspected it would. CRAPPY But that's okay 'cause it's onto better days now. I've spent the last few hours doing my bio lab report which was due today but I was busy cramming so I'm handing it in late tomorrow, I'm still not done yet but I'm confident I'll finish with a bit of sleep deprivation. Tomorrow marks the first time ever in life when I will study on a friday. I'm not about to let myself go through the same stress on my bio midterm as I did for back-to-back chem ones. Wish me luck, it's on wed so I'll most likely be bloggin again before that time. I know you can't wait, but I've gotta get back to my lab report so "better days!"

only the curve can save me now

I thought if I printed out a list of goals that they'd be more concrete and maybe I could stay focused, so here are some random things I want to accomplish with my life:
- have grandchildren which means I have to...
- have children first
- be rich amidst all of the above, which seems like a materialistic goal but really it's to ensure that I don't have to struggle to support my family

#1 fear: dying alone

It's hard to think of the possibility that I may never find the right guy to start a family with, I guess I just have to have faith. But so far, the only guys that I attract are definitely the wrong ones.
On a sidenote, to my friends, I know when a guy likes me, I just choose to ignore it and act oblivious so that I don't have to think about it. 'Cause who wants to deal with that?

FUCK
I wanna cry. My personal curse: as soon as I hand in an exam, I figure out the right answer. Tomorrow's my chem 161 exam, I only hope I do better on that than on the 101 exam I wrote today.

I think I have cancer. Did you know that UV light can cause cancer? 'Cause I sure didn't until after a chem 161 lab in which I exposed my hand to UV light. After a few days, that hand was feeling very weak...... I thought I'd share this with you all since most of my blogs are boring and I wanted to give you a story that's funny, 'cause it didn't happen to you.

On another note, "family guy" is the shiznit! I've gotten plenty of good laughs out of that show. So if you think I quote family guy too much, remember this: there is no such thing as "too much" family guy!

Those of you who know me best may have noticed that I'm fairly bitter towards my parents, my mom in particular. I used to think that my mom was a bad mother but a good person but in recent years I've come to the conclusion that she is neither a good mother nor a good person. She's fake, manipulative, unreliable, and so smart it drives me insane. At least when my dad pisses me off, it's for my own good. I cannot say the same for my mom. For the record, I love my dad. If it weren't for his overprotection/caring, who knows what I would be today. A lot of my best attributes stem from me not wanting to become my mom. This is why I will always keep my word, because my mom never does. One of the worst feelings is knowing that you can't rely on your mother.
That being said, I feel my parents did a pretty good job raising me. I'm sure my mom contributed to this somehow but only because how I turn out reflects her. I'm her little trophy that she sticks in the back of her case when I've done somethin "wrong" and brings out to show the world when I've done something to her liking. I've spent my life thus far tryin to make my mom proud, and if I have to spend 6 more years in univ to do so, I will. This is why I'm striving to be an optometrist..... that and the money....... Don't try to tell me to do what I want because I'm so far gone, I don't even know anymore.

People ask me how I'm doin or what's wrong... thinkin that I look like crap. THIS IS WHAT UNIV LOOKS LIKE! I'm constantly tired, stressed or just straight up confused. I'm so lost and, of course, wishin I had put more work into what I've already done thus far in sch. But what I've done is what I've done, nothin more and nothin less. My problem is that I don't care enough; even when things matter, I shrug it off. This has gotten me a handful of marks that could've been higher. Tomorrow's my first univ midterm..... the beginning of the rest of my life..... wish me luck.

My math t.a. lost my quiz from last week.... I'm a lil worried.... Other than that, today turned out alright; it was as good as the day before a midterm can be, I suppose. I got some good cramming in after sch, I actually think I'm gonna pass now.
It still feels like my chem 161 prof is speakin a diff language when he lectures... maybe tomorrow's cram session will help shed some insight.
I'm pretty sure I'll be handing in my bio lab report a day late. I spent quite a bit of time last night trying to look for an article but, in the end, I was unsuccessful.... maybe someone will tell me where to find a good one.....

You would think havin a bbq at your house would result in yummy leftovers but nope... where did all the food go???

The world is so odd. Did you ever notice the kids that try the hardest to be "cool" are the biggest losers? I'm sick of people acting like jerks/bitches 'cause they think it's the cool thing to do. Just be as genuine as you can without scaring people. Also, I've had enough of people talkin down to me, so before you say somethin to me, think: is this gonna sound even the slightest bit offensive? If the answer is yes, don't say it 'cause I might just so happen to be in a bitchy mood and blow up at you. Consider yourself forewarned.

I'm gettin fat. I remember when I could never finish my food and my friends and family would make fun of me for eating so little; slowly, I ate more and more........ Now look at me, I never should've listened to you guys, I could still have a flat stomache today.

I'm fairly bitter today since I'm sick and stressin due to sch. Maybe one day I'll have a happy blog to share... until then, enjoy.

I'm surrounded by friends of friends at the U; don't get me wrong, they're alright people, it's just that I don't really consider 'em close friends that I can rely on. My friends from high sch are few and scarce, the cool thing is I've been running into people that I went to junior high with. It's hard to meet people at the U, even if you strike up a conversation with some random person, it's highly unlikely you'll see them again.

My brown belt test is 'sposed to be in nov. but i don't think I'm gonna take it. There's less shame in sayin you didn't take the test than sayin you failed. It's hard to go to Ging Wu on a regular basis but I'm tryin...... I already know I won't be able to make it on wed 'cause of a midterm on thurs. Ging Wu's changin.... It's weird but I can feel it...... We're not takin any new students for a while and this makes me wonder why? What's goin on? Maybe there's some conspiracy goin on...... I can't say too much.......

wed: chem 101 midterm #1
thurs: chem 161 midterm #1, bio lab report #1 due
next wed: bio midterm
next fri: math midterm

I'm pretty stressed right now. [I can't find an article to go with my lab report.] And it just so happens that I'm gettin sick again.

[I hate labs with a passion.]

Our family had Thanksgiving dinner sat, I thought that was the only obligation I'd have this weekend but last night my parents decided to have a barbecue today. Great...... another family dinner to waste my time.... only good thing that came of this was the food.