word of the day: minor
It's new year's eve and I have no plans.... how minor/loser-ish.

The truth is overrated. Anyone who tells you they want the truth is a goddamn liar. People only want you to say what they want to hear. In fact, telling the out right truth can get you in nasty trouble. All this "honesty is the key" is crapola. If you know the truth is gonna hurt that person, my advice to you is lie, like the bastard you are. I mean, nobody is impressed if they tell you that, for example, they love you and you tell them..... I'm not at the same place. For god's sake, just suck it up and say the freakin words. This relates back to an earlier post; you don't have to mean it. We're all liars and if you say you're not, then you're just a filthy liar. That's my schpeil for today... no reason, it just kinda popped into my mind.

Wow, my heart is black... there was a time when I valued the power of the words "I love you" but no more.... so many people throw it around now. I just do the same.

Just got up about 20 minutes ago.... if you're a guy, ignore the next sentence. Cramps are extremely hard to sleep with. Anyway, good thing I lowered my standards for the party before I got there cause it was hella boring for a good portion of the night. The funnest time I had was playing cards so that should put things into perspective for ya. The lesson of the night was: don't tell kayla anythin. Kayla, if you're reading this, YOU SUCK! Hmm... Linda got me cow slippers that I think I mentioned in passing to her so that was super thoughtful of her. Ada got me socks and stuff from the body shop which is pretty cool also. Why do I keep buyin stuff for ppl that someone else also bought 'em? Yes... that's all I have to say except I am a bit disappointed that something didn't work out like it was sposed to.... but no biggie. Better days!

Sweet! Christmas cards 50% off! I am so smrt. Also, bought the last of ada's present so I guess my trip to the mall was pretty productive. Gotta hang out with my creepy bachelor uncle tomorrow.... but hopefully mon will be cool.

Hmm, I think when I'm around too many people it makes me feel nauseous... I felt super lousy after a few hours of tryin to manouver around slow asses. I'm goin to the mall again tomorrow; maybe I do live at the mall.... but I'm only goin cause my friend who had to work today called me and asked me to go with her, prolly won't buy anythin tomorrow. Today, I got puma shoes, a puma shirt, a diesel shirt, and a couple pairs of diesel jeans. With the exception of the diesel shirt, all the other stuff was only 20-25% off. Not a great deal but better than nothin. Oh ya, my brother got me diesel shoes for christmas and he's gonna pay for one of the pairs of jeans (christmas/birthday present) so all is right in the world.

Well, I just walked to the bus stop only to find that my bus only runs every hour today. Now I'm sittin here waitin for my parents to come back and give me a ride even though my mom's car is in the garage... but then again, I prolly wouldn't enjoy tryin to find a parking space boxing day at west edm mall. And I guess I was too super tired/bitter to say it yest but MERRY CHRISTMAS

I love you. They're just words, you don't have to mean 'em.

I wanna thank everyone for this past year. It included a realization that lead to cutting out a former friend, goin through a lot of shit at work and finally realizing that it wasn't worth it, slacking through the last of my diploma exams which I came out of with a barely honours average, and going through hell (i.e. my first term of univ); it hasn't all been bad. Even though I've lost touch with a lot of my high sch friends, I'm recently realizing that maybe it's for the best since I didn't really fit with anyone. These past four months have really made me take a look at myself and I think I'm just too lazy, hopefully I can turn it around in this new year. I've met a few people who have this incredible power to make me smile or even laugh hysterically when I'm in a horrible mood and I hope I don't lose touch with these people for a good long while. All in all, I'm incredibly satisfied with the way this year has gone, it's been a great growing/learning process and I'm a better person for it. I hope you all have a great year and overcome any obstacles that come your way. But if you need a little help, just let me know what I can do. Better days.

Bad news: my break is half over but I gotta look on the bright side, christmas is tomorrow which isn't that big of a deal since the only ppl that celebrate christmas in my family are my aunts and uncles on my dad's side who all pitch in together to get me like a $20 gift (uber cheap? I think so). It's my brother's day off so we're goin to the bank to cash his check then we're goin to the mall so he can buy me my present. Tonight is christmas supper, after which I'm sure I'll be allowed to open my $20 gift (yay?). Hey, I'm not really lookin at the bright side, am I? Damn my bitterness, the food is gonna be great so I'm just gonna shut up and leave it at that. Happy holidays!

No cavities! Sweet, that means back to eatin tons of chocolate and drinkin stuff choc full of sugar. Mmmm....

Got up sorta early today (9am) to meet my friend at west edm mall at 11am. Shopped till 1ish at which point, she had to go to work and I came home with a few presents.... good thing christmas party is not till the 29th cause at this point, ada's present is still lacking....

Surprisingly, two days before christmas, the mall was not as busy as I expected. Maybe cause I went pretty early in the day. I am currently not lookin forward to my dentist appointment this evening but I am lookin forward to christmas dinner tomorrow night at grandma's house :)

Back to the beginning, what to get ada...

Sick of sorrow. I'm sick of the pain. I'm sick of hearing, again and again, that there's gonna be Peace on Earth. - U2

So, I feel like havin a "deep" blog right now. If you dont care, stop reading now. How do you know whether you made the right choice? I mean, there have been so many people I've met and the first impression they gave was lousy so I never talked to 'em again, what if that person could have been a really great person? What if I've missed out on a really great friend? Or what if I had a great friend once upon a time and through my own stupidity, I lost touch with them for whatever reason. What if I really should have given 'em another chance? Life's full of what if's but sometimes we regret things we shouldn't and overlook things we should.

I'm not gonna get bent outta shape thinkin bout ppl that have entered and exited my life. I'm very happy with the ppl that are currently in my life whether I've just met them recently, known them sometime before and am now talkin with again, or known them for years. I think I'm finally surrounded by ppl who are good for me but we'll see once I get to know 'em a bit better. Hopefully, my judgement on past "friends" were the right ones.

I guess christmas has the power of making you think about who you could be spending it with but I'm optimistic bout the ppl I'm meeting and maybe friends I'm making. That's all for now... if you're still reading, you either care or you're just bored and have nothin better to do. At any rate, thanks for listenin to my two cents.

Welps, I'm done what little christmas shopping I had to do. Got my brother an energie jacket ages ago, already gave it to him. For my mom, a tiny cat clock... she doesn't celebrate christmas so I really didn't wanna spend too much money. I'm cheap, so sue me. By the same token, I haven't gotten my dad's present; I'm plannin on gettin somethin boxing day since he won't mind plus I save some money which he's always happy bout since he gives me my money. Got ada a little somethin even though she told me not to, it's a small small gesture really. I wouldn't really even call it a present more like a stockin stuffer. And I also got linda a small present, she claims she's gonna kick my ass but I know that's code for "thank you Jo, you're the greatest there ever was." Merry Christmas! I hope everyone loves my gifts. I've been informed that there are only 4 days till christmas.... krazazy, isn't it?

Morning all, today should be semi-interesting.... goin to ikea, possibly mexx outlet, future shop or best buy, safeway or save on, maybe chinatown. Tonight, I gotta go to some chinese association dinner which could go either way. I could be miserable or it could be alright. I'll let you know later since you all care so much.

So I have all my marks back except for my eng midterm. Without eng, my average is 2.625. Right now, I have a 2.25 in eng but I'm sure the midterm will bring me way down. If I got a D on my midterm, then my eng mark becomes 1.83 and overall my mark becomes 2.44 which I can accept for this first term. But if I fail the midterm then my eng becomes 1.5 and overall becomes 2.38 which would really suck. So really, I just have to hope I didn't fail the eng midterm and I'll be fine.

I'm so bored! I can't stand this, my brain feels like it's rotting away. But I can't go to sleep now otherwise I'll wake up too early. Grr, I need someone to entertain me. But boredom is contagious and I'm spreadin it like wildfire.

So I've come to the conclusion that I say really stupid things just to fill the silence. Or maybe I'm just so anxious to have everyone like me that I end up sayin somethin stupid and therefore makin everyone think I'm super weird and not want to talk to me. Or maybe I just don't know when to stop talkin. Like right now, I'm rambling on about nothin and I don't know why. I just want to kill time. But I've always been a strong believer that if you don't have anythin good to say, just shut up. So I really shouldn't be sayin anythin at all right now since I never have anythin important or even remotely intelligent to say.

But what if I just spit out random things until one of them actually fits the situation then someone will think I'm smart and that might be worth all the stupid looks I get. That way I don't have to shut up even though I probably should. "Less is more." Is that true? I mean, it's a cliche so it's gotta have some substance otherwise why would people keep sayin it... but the word less is actually the opposite of the word more so how can less be more?

Where am I going with this? If you're still reading, you must be just as bored as I am. So go spread the boredom and have a nice life.

Well, I've helped out at my mom's optical for three days. Three very boring days... but they weren't too bad. Not goin again till monday so yay for sleeping in. So this crazy lady that my mom knew back when she wasn't crazy came in and started wiping stuff and mopping and such; she then proceeded to go into the back of the store and steal some cookies at which point my mom caught her and she finally left. Here's the catch, she's crazy cause she used to go to univ then she failed. Now there's a cautionary tale for ya; moral of the day: don't think too much, it's bad for your mind.

Chem 101: B-
Biol 107: C+
Chem 161: C+

Now, these marks are pretty crappy but for the amount of effort I put into studyin, they're better than I deserved. I still have no clue what I got in math (I'm thinkin/hopin for a B+).... or my eng midterm which I don't care too much about. I only have a C in eng.... and I'm sure the midterm will bring that down but whatever, I can always bring it up next term.... the perk to full year courses.

Well, kung fu last night was really harsh considerin I hadn't been there in a week and a half. I am seriously outta shape... I disgust me. At around 3pm today, the ass soreness kicked in... this is the price I must pay.

Bought one thing today, just a tiny cat clock for my mom. Hope she likes it... but I'm mostly doin it out of obligation. My dad's so much harder to shop for, probably end up gettin him a shirt. Although, for father's day, I bought him a white polo and he hasn't worn it once (his excuse bein he doesn't wanna get it dirty) so note to self: no white. Maybe a nice grey dress shirt... I actually don't like christmas shoppin since you have to find somethin. It's better to just get ppl gifts out of nowhere, they're more surprised and everythin.

Yes, goin to kung fu tonight.... hope it'll be fun. Tomorrow, I start helpin out my mom at her optical.... I really hate how many native customers she has... I'm so racist. Oh well. Have a beautiful day because you are a beautiful person. Hahahahha! No seriously, have a good day.

Hmm... didn't buy a single thing today. I would say that it was a waste of four hours but I'm sure I would've been much more bored sittin at home all day. So it was good to get out of the house. Umm, still pretty unsure of what I'm gettin for ppl and whether or not I should get something for some ppl.... Don't really have anythin new to say so "peace on earth and good will towards man."

Morning all. As I mentioned in my last blog, I'm startin christmas shopping today. My parents drove my brother to work and from there, I guess they're goin on a date. They took my dad's car so the civic is sittin in the garage. Told my mom that I wanna be at the mall by 2 and she was a lil worried she wouldn't make it home in time so I suggested that she just let me drive her car. Now, I've driven to or past the mall literally hundreds of times but the overprotectivity of my parents always wins over so I'm sittin here waitin for them to come back and drive me. But anythin is better than takin the bus, don't wanna get hit on by another native. *gags*

Also, friday's ging wu christmas dinner, my mom drove me and my brother then stayed at her optical to do paperwork until we finished. She wouldn't have had to do that if my parents would just let me drive alone. See, I would've taken the bus to home, dropped off my stuff and picked up my dad's car which was sittin in the garage the whole time. Could've picked up Stephen on my way but nope. Oh well, maybe it's all for the better since I really don't wanna drive this winter. I know it's not that much harder but drivers tend to do stupider stuff in the winter time. You know, those ppl that brake every five seconds for no apparent reason. (i.e. my mom)

But ya, like I've mentioned before, I'm actually starting to save up for my own car even though it'll be such a hassle to maintain it.... but if by the end of april, I'm still not allowed to drive alone, I'm gonna be uber pissed and that'll prolly urge me to buy my own car. Anyways, I'm gettin pretty hungry now so laters.

I'm trying to look forward to the holiday season but every once in a while, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomache that makes me sick. I get this when I think bout my performance on my exams. But the important thing is I've learnt something this term. I can't be lazy anymore. I know it's hard to take me seriously when I say next term will be different. But I'm adamant that it will be. I can't let myself do so horribly, I need like a 3.4 gpa and this term I'll be lucky if I get a 2.4 so that should put things into perspective.

Near the beginning, I was questioning whether I had what it takes for university and now I know that I do. When I apply myself, I get great marks but it's the times when I slack off that I walk out of exams depressed. Now why would I want to make myself depressed?! I wouldn't, so the only logical thing to do is work harder next term.

That's enough sch talk for now. Merry christmas! I'm going shopping tomorrow and monday, hopefully I'll pick up some uber cool presents for some ppl. Night.

Holy shit! The most disgusting thing happened to me yesterday. I was on the bus on my way to my mom's optical when this native sat next to me. The story cut short is he asked me for my number. I got hit on my a native, dear lord. I feel so dirty. *shudders* This just reconfirms my suspicions that the only guys that hit on me are complete dirtbags. Where have all the decent ones gone!?!?!?

Totally failed all my finals but whatever, cause I'm done! I am officially on christmas break.

86% on the bio lab final! Freakin sweet! Had my math final today, it went alright although I know there were some questions where I fucked up but I deserved it for not studying more. I'm thinkin I got like a 70% depending on how generous the part marks are. Tomorrow is my last day, got an eng midterm and an organic final. I'm not lookin forward to either.

I wonder how long I can go without getting in any fights with family or friends. I think the major challenge will be with my mom since she is definitely going through menopause. Remember, getting mad is bad for your soul. On a sidenote: I should stock up on pie. I just remembered that when I get really pissed, if I sit down and have a slice of pie all my troubles seem to drift away.

Fuck ya! Today was actually an alright day besides the fact that I am seriously sleep deprived. Even though I didn't have an exam today (which is probably a large part of why it wasn't that bad of a day), I went to sch since I did have an organic help session to go to. Got to sch at 930, did some half-ass studying till about 4 at which point I basically stared at my practice finals without actually doing any real work. But what really made my day was my organic lab final mark: 81%!!!! Freakin right! I know it's not a super great mark but still it's pretty good since I've been pretty down lately. That's all for now.

I'm very disappointed in myself at the moment. And it's hard to focus on the next exam when you just failed. There's important lessons to be learnt by this horrible first term. There's no where to go but up from here.

Hey guys, found somethin else I want to add to the list (originally posted Nov 30)

Romeo Must Die ~$14.99


Also, that Neptunes CD is way cheaper at future shop. It's on sale for ~$14.99! Yay for christmas!

Hmm... I think I have to take chem 163 as a pre-req for physiology..... this whomps. I hate organic chem so much.

By this time next week I will be happy/tired. Hmm... the more I think about it the more I wanna just go home and sleep that day instead of goin to see christmas carol... plus I'd save $55... but it's christmas! I don't know, I'm very indecisive at the moment.

So the marks I need on my finals are as follows:
Chem 101: 2.4 or 2.7
Bio: 2.4 or 2.7
Math: 3.4
Chem 161: 2.4 or 2.7
and Eng midterm: 2.4 or 2.7

If I can get those marks, my average will be around 2.4-2.7 which I'll be happy with. For the most part, I think I'm capable of gettin these marks except eng is a bit if-y cause it all depends on if I'm thinkin sharp that day.

You should all know that I think christmas is the best time of year. Now, with that said, who wants to see a christmas carol playing at the citadel? Now, the price is a bit steep I admit ($55) but come on! It's christmas! And you can count it as my present if you come. Also, whoever gives me a ride home afterward, I'll pay for their ticket. Remember: I live in the booneys way on the edge of town though.

"Numb" - Linkin Park

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I'll never be good enough for my mom. I know this, but I insist on disregarding it. Why? Why the fuck do I put myself through this for her? Cause I love her but let me tell you I wouldn't love my mom if she wasn't my mom. I hate her so much, I hate the person she is and a large part of the person I am striving to become is everything she is not.

It's like her life goal is to belittle me. I do everything for her, I picked my career for her. My life is set up to be what she wants it to be. I don't know what the fuck she wants from me. I feel like I can't give it to her, she'll never be satisfied. I want to make her proud but everytime I think I'm getting close, it all crumbles. I feel so useless.

I know what I should do. I should live for myself because my life is just that: mine. But if I know this, why don't I do it? Why is it so hard to get out of something I know is bad for me? I hate that I rely on my mom for certain things because I feel like I give so much more than I take and it's never enough for her.

Hello! Just about two weeks till my christmas break starts so I thought I'd put up a preliminary wish list. And if you're gonna get me a present let me know, we'll set up a price range so nobody gets ripped off. 'Tis the season to be giving!

p.s. You have to sort of search for the puma stuff when you get to the foot locker site... for some reason, the links I put up don't lead to the exact product I want. Sorry! Just click on brands (near the top) choose Puma, then focus the search by choosing Women's for Gender (on the left side) and you shouldn't have any trouble finding pics.

Neptunes CD ~$22.99

Large Puma Women's Full Zip Hoodie ~$57.99 OR Large Navy Puma Women's Fleece Hoodie ~$47.99 OR Large Grey Puma Women's 1973 Long-Sleeve Tee ("Pewter/Pearl") ~$23.99

Puma Speed Cats (size 8 men's) ~$100CAN


If you're up for a challenge, I'd be so impressed if someone could find me those pens that change colour when you touch 'em cause of body heat. Does anyone know what I'm talkin about? They were all the craze back when I was in like 4th grade. Also, lindor chocolates are always welcome..... mmm.... milk chocolate...... Anyhoo, better days!

Morning... afternoon.... whichever. The reality of final exams are starting to hit me. What the hell was I thinking? I only have like 5 days to study for 4 finals and a midterm! How the frixis am I gonna pull this off? Shabbily, that's how. Really aiming for a 2.4 this term but next term, nothing short of a 3.0 will be accepted.

Hmm, stayed at sch till 6:30ish tonight for an organic help session which I felt was completely useless.... or certainly not worth that much time on a friday. Hopefully I found it useless because I'm ready for the exam... but just in case, this weekend will be heavy duty studying. Not psychotic studying but not too much wasted time either.

Gotta go to a play tomorrow night for eng class.... not lookin forward to it. Orginally I thought it would be a good time to suck up to my prof but I now just wanna go, watch the play, and go home.

Only two weeks till my revival date. Until then, better days and god bless those of you who have exams coming up. The rest of you can rot in hell! Nah, I'm just messin.

So I'm kinda worried bout how I did on my chem 101 lab final.... I didn't do anythin productive the weekend leading up to it... but ya, I think I'm gettin better just in time for the rest of my first univ finals. I absolutely refuse to let this entire first term be a waste. I'm basically just aiming for a 2.4 average for now but come next term I'm hoping to raise it to 3.0. Better days!

Things are looking up, tomorrow marks my organic chem lab checkout! Slowly, I'm inching my way towards being a better person not only to others, but for myself because I am selfish. I just need to make better decisions that won't give me as many regrets. Hopefully, in the process, I can be a less bitter person.

Crunch time is really starting now, what I need to do is suck it up and get through these finals without screwing myself over... I know this, but it's still unsure whether I will put it into practice. I guess time will tell.

Well, due to my constant procrastination, I had to skip kung fu to write my eng term paper which is due tomorrow. I'm two thirds of the way there!

Moral of the story: leaving something you hate to do till the last minute won't make you hate it any less.

The question in life is not whether you get knocked down. You will. The question is, are you ready to get back up... and fight for what you believe in.
- Dan Qualye

Hey guys, don't have much to say today. Just trying to motivate myself to do sch work but so far, it's not really working. I need to get a C+ on my eng term paper that's due on tues to get back to a C-..... I honestly doubt this is gonna happen since I haven't even started and I have no idea want I want to write. God I hate eng, there's really nothing I can to do that will make a drastic improvement. I go to class, and I leave as the same person having learnt nothing. Life is just so frustrating right now. I hate eng with every fibre of my being.. actually, that's not completely true... I focus quite a bit of my hatred towards organic chem... All I know is I'm still not the person I want to be, it's like something is weighing me down at the moment and I just don't have the strength to overcome it.

....Hmm, I guess I did have quite a bit to say after all... Until next time, better days!

Alright, so we all know that tv is my biggest weakness. What am I going to do about it you ask? I'm only going to watch two hours of tv a day (starting... now!) and if you think that's a lot of tv, you are sorely mistaken and obviously do not know me very well.

I was lying in bed this morning and it came to me, I'm miserable. I really can't wait until my finals are over and I can be happy again. I'm well aware I've said this many times but it's what keeps me going.

Something to keep in mind: give everything your all, it leads to less regrets and it's good for your soul.

The weekend is here! Which I guess isn't too big of a deal except for the fact that I get more sleep. Grr, this weekend marks the beginning of studying for finals and also writing my first eng term paper.... hope I don't fail this....
And 3 weeks till I'm done my exams... then I can be happy again.... I miss being happy...

Saw the Rundown today, it was surprisingly good maybe just because I had such low expectations for it. But honestly, the fight scenes were pretty decent and the rock is not as bad an actor as I had previously anticipated.

Something to keep in mind: be nice to people, it's good for your soul.

The days are winding down till my finals start and I just want to say that I will try so goddamn hard to be a keener and not come out of these exams bitching. I really need to suck it up and put some god's honest work into studying. I'll let you all know how it goes. Better days!

Got my chem 101 midterm #2 back today, quite a pleasant surprise. I beat the average! hahahah! Victory is mine! Athough, I'm sure I could've done better had I utilized my time better... must keep that in mind for finals. Better days!

welps, tomorrow marks my last 161 lab... I guess that's something... I just hope I don't screw it up. Got off at 2pm today, came home, wasted an hour watching general hospital, took a nap for an hour and a half... that seems like a waste of time but I'm sure it paid off. I did not get as much accomplished as I had originally hoped... Must finish bio lab report tomorrow so no ging wu which totally sucks. I hate missing kung fu. And I hate school. And I hate YOU! Nah, I take back the last bit. Well, until next time, better days!

I was watching One Tree Hill today and it hit me "I'm not the person I want to be." Those were the words spoken by one of the characters on the show and I realized that it holds true for myself.

I viewed going into univ as the beginning of the rest of my life and even though I believe this is true, I constantly sabotage my own grades. I don't push myself hard enough to put in the amount of effort I know I need to. Of course, this has started a snowball effect in which the work just keeps piling up on me and I get more and more stressed out. And, believe me, my marks show it... they are extremely ugly as of this moment; I'm just trying to get average this semester and hopefully I can learn from my mistakes and improve next term.

This holds true for other aspects of my life as well. I end up saying stupid things and just not thinking through my actions very clearly. What I need to do is become more sympathetic to other people's needs and also be nicer to people. When I'm in a bad mood, some of my anger tends to leak out when I interact with others and nothing is accomplished except that I get more people mad at me.

I guess I've been a less than enjoyable person ever since univ started so I just wanna apologize to anyone who is nice enough to take the time out of their day to read my miserable blog. I've realized that the only people I talk to are the ones that have the same spares as me and the rest have been sorely neglected. Hopefully I can make it up during my christmas break which starts at 5pm dec 12.

You thought you were standing beside me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be
Just like you

On my own, cause I can't take livin' with you
I'm alone, so I won't turn out like
You want me to

- Three Days Grace

So the stuff in italics are courses I'm registered in this year (thanks to Ada for getting me on the right track when I had no clue what I needed to take) and everything in the first list is required while the last four are recommended which I will most likely take unless I hear really bad things about them in the near future. I've already been warned about microbiology and biochemistry but what choice do I have? Hmm... I need some time to digest this info and contemplate whether I should try to do everything in two years or push it to three..

General Biology (with lab) - 2 terms
General Chemistry (with lab) - 2 terms
Physics (with lab) - 2 terms
Calculus - 1 term
Introductory Psychology - 1 term
English - 2 terms
Physiology (Human or Mammalian) - 2 terms
Introductory Ethics - 1 term
Organic Chemistry - 1 term
Microbiology - 1 term
Biochemistry - 1 term
Statistics - 1 term
Linear Algebra or Geometry or Trigonometry - 1 term

Genetics - 1 term
Immunology - 1 term
Virology - 1 term
Sociology - term

All the days bleed together which results in excrutiating pain at times. Is nothing sacred anymore? I use my weekend to study! My goal this weekend is to not watch bad tv except joe shmo which I have to tape for English class; I think I'll label the tape "the pinnacle of bad television: joe shmo" some stupid girl recommended the show but she doesn't know how to work her vcr, what the deuce is wrong with people? Anywho, I hope I get to go shopping this weekend just because I haven't really gone in quite a while. Hmm, I guess that's all I have to say since I am sorely disappointed in the world at the moment.

Good news guys, I got above average on my second organic midterm! Sweet! I also had a 101 midterm today... grr.... All in all, it's been a really long day. Massive headache from my organic lab (which I despise) in which I had to use ether, stay away from that stuff! Which reminds me, I was listening to the radio this morning and lost all faith in my generation. "Some kids were trying to spike the punch at a party with a bottle labeled alcohol. It turned out to be methanol."

Well, I had a four day long weekend and I blew it. I know, I know. I've sang this song so many times I'll bet you all know the words. But I figured that tv is my weakness. I just keep watchin these crappy shows that distract me from my studies and I need to find a way to block out tv or something, I don't know.... I saw the matrix this weekend which I don't feel too badly about since I studied for 4 hours straight before going to see it. I just wish I would've done more on sat and sun..... but wishing won't make it so *sigh*. Anywho, revolutions was definitely a letdown in my eyes, but it depends on who you talk to because diff people liked the matrix trilogy for different reasons. Myself, I liked it for the philosophy "what is the matrix?" and also the martial arts so revolutions disappointed me... but if you're more into the effects maybe it'll live up. That's all for now!

Hello, hello. On this day, I hope we all take a little time to think about what we should be thinking every day: that our lives are the direct result of real heroes risking their lives for ours.

On a lighter note: wanna give a shoutout to francey who is the creator of my blogskin, just so we're clear you're the so called genius I was referring to.

Flander's Field

In Flanders Field the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders field.

Take up our quarrel with the foe;
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch, be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders field.

John McCrae 1872 - 1918

Morning all. I just had the best sleep in quite a long while. I find that if I don't get enough sleep, which is what happens the entire week while I'm at sch, then I don't think clearly; it's as if I'm walking around just going through the motions. but not this weekend! I get a four day long weekend since univ fall break is mon. I wanna do somethin mon so places'll be less crowded 'cause a lotta ppl still have work/sch. So if anyone wants to hang out downtown/chinatown or west ed, lemme know. (Sunday is also an option.) Keep in mind I would really like to go shopping, see the matrix or kill bill.

It's disappointing that we live in a world that is so caught up in a rat race. My bio prof made an interesting comment at the end of today's class, "have a good long weekend and remember why you're getting a long weekend." To be perfectly honest, the thought hadn't really crossed my mind. All I was thinking was that I get four whole days off to study and sort of relax a bit... and I think that's horrible. "Lest we forget"

Why is it that the people you wanna see, you never run into but the people you'd much rather not talk to... those are the ones who seem to be everywhere. Is this the case or does it just seem this way?

Who wants to see the matrix? Leave a tag

Tonight was a sort of bitter sweet event. My mom put on a family dinner since my aunt who lives in new york is leaving early tomorrow morning. She cries every time.... I wasn't gonna cry till she started..

Hmm, the ging wu chinese new year banquet is on my bday this year. On my eighteenth bday to be exact. This kinda sucks since I am morally obligated to attend as well as perform. I had had hopes of becoming sijai this year but due partly to my lack of attendence I highly doubt that will be happening.... Perhaps next yr...
At first, my plan was to hit the bars at midnight but decided against it. Since Jan 17 is a sat this year, I thought it would be perfect but, alas, a conflict of interest has arisen. Oh well, it won't be all bad. I mean, there'll still be alchy just not in crazy amounts....

I buckled down last night and got some quality cramming done, went to school early and skipped eng to get even more cramming in. I think it paid off 'cause when I was writing the exam, I actually kinda knew what I was doing. I'm assuming I'll get my mark back next thurs. It's out of my hands now. I feel fairly confident that this upcoming 4 day weekend will be sufficient for chem 101 studying. (Exam on wed.)

Also, I shall do something semi-interesting this weekend. Perhaps, see kill bill or matrix......
That's all for now!

Yet another waste of a weekend, if I fail another mid term it will, again, be all my fault. Why can't I work harder?!?!? What the fuck is wrong with me. I need to stop wallowing in my own pity.

Ahhhh! It's halloween and this is my 5th blog today. That should tell you that I have no life. Oh, how I wish I was 18, I could be out drinkin but nope, stuck here handin out candy. So far, 12 kids...... Awfully dead out there. *shrugs* more candy for me. All things willing, this will be my last blog of the day. Have a good night and happy halloween

I'm really tense, actually lookin forward to my creepy bachelor uncle comin over tomorrow as he will give me a professional massage. I hope he doesn't try to talk to me.

I think I've finally gotten over the guy. Finally, my stress has come in handy. I feel like it has blocked those thoughts out of my mind for over a week. I'm very happy about this but my mind is still weighed down with thoughts of school so I may not look happy.

I hate to be a hypocrite but so many people are just far too negative. We let ourselves get caught up in all the things that are going wrong or things we could be missing out on. And only every once in a while, if ever, do we stop to think bout the things we are doing wrong and things we could do to gain more in life. I mean, everything bad that has ever happened to me, I deserved it. So why shouldn't the opposite be true? If we want something good to happen, we have to do it ourselves and perhaps the universe will help us along the way.

Allo allo! I must find a way to organize my time better. I'm forced to become an antisocial in the hopes of doing well in sch to make up for my rough start. I don't know how long I can keep this up, hopefully until finals are over. My date of freedom: dec 12. I plan to really make use of my christmas break so that I am fully refreshed for the second term. I got my math mark back today, feelings of frustration are, once again, arising. I did pretty well although I am certain I could've gotten at least 7% higher had I been better rested and thinking more clearly. Still, I got well above class average so I guess I'm content. There's only room to go up from here.

I got my bio lab report today, I put next to no effort into it and that's the mark I got. Next to nothing. I'm really dissapointed in myself for fuckin up yet again but it seems I have yet to learn my lesson. Also, I realised that I screwed up my organic lab (dumped what I needed and kept what I don't.) I'll have to have a talk with my t.a. I must start doin the prelab assignments well in advance so that I have time to understand what it is I'm sposed to do in the lab.

Lately, I feel I have a lot of pent up frustration that I have been unable to vent due to my lack of attending kung fu classes. I must go on mon to rid myself of some stress.

I think someone's birthday is this week...... I can't remember who or what day though. I blame it on all the cramming.

I got my bio midterm mark back, pretty dissapointing. I was slightly below average and fucked up on a couple questions that I know for a fact I could've gotten right. (Which would've put me on the average and I'd be fine with that.) I really wanna get my math mark back, perhaps it'll be some good news for once.
It's really time to get my shit together since I have another organic midterm thurs, this is my chance to redeem myself althought I'm already falling behind on my studyin for that.... I still have this weekend which means I will most likely forego invitation to go see Kill Bill even though it sounds like an interesting view. "There's no time like the present" to really become a keener. You see, I went to a nerdy junior high which pushed me to really study and do my homework; however, I seem to have lost this skill amidst the 3 years of attending Queen E. To sum it up: I'm screwed. I really need to get at least average on this next organic midterm but I'm afraid I won't get much studying done this weekend since my aunt from new york is in town and it would obviously be rude of me to ignore the elaborate family dinners that are coinciding with her time here.

On a side note, as soon as my chem 101 midterm is over I plan to study my ass off for bio. It really bothers me that I didn't live up to my expectations.

I really miss kung fu. I didn't go on mon because of a family dinner and I'm not going today since I need to study for my bio lab quiz. I'll probably go next mon but definitely not wed as this is the day before my organic mid term. Grr, I'm really trying to go to all the classes I can but it seems like I only make it to about half of them. Not only is this a waste of money but also I feel like I'm not really putting enough into the club.


I really hate that I wasted a little over 2 years at chiu lau...... I always think that if I had invested that time and money into ging wu, I'd be a lot more talented by now. That place just wants to milk ya for all you're worth. Not only is the monthly fee higher than ging wu's, they charge you extra for weapon class and attending tournaments. I went to the ging wu tourney in '99 (had to pay a small fee of $5 for the extra tourney training class) and by the 2000 ging wu tourney, the fee for the class to get ready for a tourney that cost $30 was $100!!!!!!!! So I said screw it and quit that summer. Ugh, just a really big waste overall. Time and money.

It seems following my dad's overprotective rules has gotten me jack shit. I'm never gonna be able to drive alone, what the fuck am I sposed to do. I don't even wanna buy my own car but he's forcing me. I can't sit around and wait for him to decide I'm a good enough driver. FUCK!!!!!!!! I've had enough of this shit. My own parents think I'm too stupid to drive alone, they don't trust me worth dick.

As long as my dad lives, he'll do everything in his power to keep me from havin any freedom, why the fuck did I ever believe he would be reasonable? He fuckin gets home from work at 4, is it too much to ask to borrow it on fri nights?!?!?! Apparently so.
If I still can't drive on my own by the end of apr, I'm gonna hafta buy my own car.

There's two absolute truths I've discovered in my 17 yrs:
1. You can't rely on anyone. If you don't care bout yourself, no one else will.
and
2. Nobody knows yourself better than you do.
so don't let anyone tell you to calm down, and that you're overreacting. How the fuck would you know if I'm gonna be ok?!?! I know myself and I know when I'm screwed.

Please note that by "the mall" I am referring to west edm mall.

Hello. I've been a bit busy the past week due to a couple of midterms I knew I had to put some effort into. I wasn't about to let myself fail another one. Oh ya, I guess I haven't informed everyone yet, I failed my 161 midterm and the average was 69.4% so I really have to ace the next one to be ok in that class. In chem 101, I got slightly above average; yay for me! And I just wrote the bio on wed and math today. I think there's a very real possibility I got 100% on the math since I already took math 31 in high sch and the bio seemed ok, perhaps 75-85% hopefully.

I stopped by the mall today for the first time in quite a while to buy a present for my baby cousin who is comin tomorrow along w/ my auntie and her husband from new york. It's a cute little diesel shirt, it's red since she's a girl. I hope she doesn't grow out of too fast 'cause I paid 26 bucks for it.....

I was 'sposed to see a movie tonight but the friend of a friend of mine whose phone number I had didn't pick up her phone so I came home instead. It may be for the best; I am so burnt out from those exams, it feels like my mind is numb. Maybe I should take a nap or somethin....... I still haven't gotten around to shoppin for myself, winter's comin so it's time to put away the t's I've been wearin lately and time to buy nice new sweaters and such. Also, some new pairs of jeans would be nice, now if only I could convince someone to go to the mall with me......

I gotta get my act together.

Damn midterms. I really wanna go to kung fu tomorrow but I know I'll be sorry if I do. Gotta strap myself down for another installment of cramming. Although, this time it's bio........ so much memorization....... which reminds me, I really need to start goin to the workshops... right after exam week, starting next tues. Also, I'm plannin to start goin to the chem 161 help sessions put on by my prof starting next wed. hopefully, they're helpful, if not I'll just go to the t.a. run sessions.

I hate the fact that a lot of my time goes into sittin around feelin sorry for myself. In the grand scheme of things, I know that my life is pretty decent but sometimes I just feel so alone. It's like I'm reachin out but there's no one there to save me.
Here's the story: I've settled for too many guys already so I've decided to only go for guys I actually like (a lot). And I liked this one guy for a really, really long time thinkin he was "the one" but it turns out he thinks practically nothin of me, so this leads to me constantly thinkin if the nicest guy is, in reality, a jerk then what are the chances that I'll find a good guy? It's quite the depressin thought especially since I already knew, in my heart of hearts, that the guy was too good for me but I let myself fall for him anyway. I think I'm over him but sometimes I'm not so sure, I keep havin to remind myself that's he's a jerk even though he hides it so well.

Funny how things come up and kinda mess up your day. I did get my eye exam and flu shot (after waiting for over an hour). Like my brother says, "what's the point of even makin an appointment?" But no hair cut and no shopping....
Which brings me to my next point, who wants to hang out fri? I'm finally free, but only for fri night since my auntie from new york is comin on sat. That's it for now, gotta get a little studyin done....

Welps, my creepy bachelor uncle is comin tomorrow.... I totally forgot. But at least I can probably get him to drive me downtown to get my flu shot which will mean more sleep since I don't have to get up early to go with my mom.

Sat, gotta sit around my mom's optical full of bums till the optometrist has some free time to give me an eye exam, then I'll prolly head to chinatown to get a haircut, maybe squeeze in some shoppin at e. centre which will be the highlight of my weekend, then my flu shot. After all these errands, I may or may not stop by the downtown library for a few hours of studyin. My god, I'm a daredevil!

Hey guys! Back for another installment, are we? Well, I can't blame you since I am incredibly interesting. I'm surprisingly happy today considerin the fact that I am seriously sleep deprived due to stayin up to finish my bio lab report. I think I'm gettin too old for this stuff. I was actually nodding off at about 1230...... not that late in the grand schem of things, I suppose. Still, I only got about 6 hours of sleep last night since I had to go to sch early to do my math assignment. I'm skipping math right now since I had to go hand in my assignment before 3 and my late lab report. Just countin the minutes till chem 101 class...... then afterwards, goin to the downtown library to get my homework done so as to free up the rest of the weekend to study...... my god, when did I become such a loser? Oh ya, right about the time I realized I'm gonna fail my midterms. *shrugs* Better days!

Well, the 161 midterm went just as I suspected it would. CRAPPY But that's okay 'cause it's onto better days now. I've spent the last few hours doing my bio lab report which was due today but I was busy cramming so I'm handing it in late tomorrow, I'm still not done yet but I'm confident I'll finish with a bit of sleep deprivation. Tomorrow marks the first time ever in life when I will study on a friday. I'm not about to let myself go through the same stress on my bio midterm as I did for back-to-back chem ones. Wish me luck, it's on wed so I'll most likely be bloggin again before that time. I know you can't wait, but I've gotta get back to my lab report so "better days!"

only the curve can save me now

I thought if I printed out a list of goals that they'd be more concrete and maybe I could stay focused, so here are some random things I want to accomplish with my life:
- have grandchildren which means I have to...
- have children first
- be rich amidst all of the above, which seems like a materialistic goal but really it's to ensure that I don't have to struggle to support my family

#1 fear: dying alone

It's hard to think of the possibility that I may never find the right guy to start a family with, I guess I just have to have faith. But so far, the only guys that I attract are definitely the wrong ones.
On a sidenote, to my friends, I know when a guy likes me, I just choose to ignore it and act oblivious so that I don't have to think about it. 'Cause who wants to deal with that?

FUCK
I wanna cry. My personal curse: as soon as I hand in an exam, I figure out the right answer. Tomorrow's my chem 161 exam, I only hope I do better on that than on the 101 exam I wrote today.

I think I have cancer. Did you know that UV light can cause cancer? 'Cause I sure didn't until after a chem 161 lab in which I exposed my hand to UV light. After a few days, that hand was feeling very weak...... I thought I'd share this with you all since most of my blogs are boring and I wanted to give you a story that's funny, 'cause it didn't happen to you.

On another note, "family guy" is the shiznit! I've gotten plenty of good laughs out of that show. So if you think I quote family guy too much, remember this: there is no such thing as "too much" family guy!

Those of you who know me best may have noticed that I'm fairly bitter towards my parents, my mom in particular. I used to think that my mom was a bad mother but a good person but in recent years I've come to the conclusion that she is neither a good mother nor a good person. She's fake, manipulative, unreliable, and so smart it drives me insane. At least when my dad pisses me off, it's for my own good. I cannot say the same for my mom. For the record, I love my dad. If it weren't for his overprotection/caring, who knows what I would be today. A lot of my best attributes stem from me not wanting to become my mom. This is why I will always keep my word, because my mom never does. One of the worst feelings is knowing that you can't rely on your mother.
That being said, I feel my parents did a pretty good job raising me. I'm sure my mom contributed to this somehow but only because how I turn out reflects her. I'm her little trophy that she sticks in the back of her case when I've done somethin "wrong" and brings out to show the world when I've done something to her liking. I've spent my life thus far tryin to make my mom proud, and if I have to spend 6 more years in univ to do so, I will. This is why I'm striving to be an optometrist..... that and the money....... Don't try to tell me to do what I want because I'm so far gone, I don't even know anymore.

People ask me how I'm doin or what's wrong... thinkin that I look like crap. THIS IS WHAT UNIV LOOKS LIKE! I'm constantly tired, stressed or just straight up confused. I'm so lost and, of course, wishin I had put more work into what I've already done thus far in sch. But what I've done is what I've done, nothin more and nothin less. My problem is that I don't care enough; even when things matter, I shrug it off. This has gotten me a handful of marks that could've been higher. Tomorrow's my first univ midterm..... the beginning of the rest of my life..... wish me luck.

My math t.a. lost my quiz from last week.... I'm a lil worried.... Other than that, today turned out alright; it was as good as the day before a midterm can be, I suppose. I got some good cramming in after sch, I actually think I'm gonna pass now.
It still feels like my chem 161 prof is speakin a diff language when he lectures... maybe tomorrow's cram session will help shed some insight.
I'm pretty sure I'll be handing in my bio lab report a day late. I spent quite a bit of time last night trying to look for an article but, in the end, I was unsuccessful.... maybe someone will tell me where to find a good one.....

You would think havin a bbq at your house would result in yummy leftovers but nope... where did all the food go???

The world is so odd. Did you ever notice the kids that try the hardest to be "cool" are the biggest losers? I'm sick of people acting like jerks/bitches 'cause they think it's the cool thing to do. Just be as genuine as you can without scaring people. Also, I've had enough of people talkin down to me, so before you say somethin to me, think: is this gonna sound even the slightest bit offensive? If the answer is yes, don't say it 'cause I might just so happen to be in a bitchy mood and blow up at you. Consider yourself forewarned.

I'm gettin fat. I remember when I could never finish my food and my friends and family would make fun of me for eating so little; slowly, I ate more and more........ Now look at me, I never should've listened to you guys, I could still have a flat stomache today.

I'm fairly bitter today since I'm sick and stressin due to sch. Maybe one day I'll have a happy blog to share... until then, enjoy.

I'm surrounded by friends of friends at the U; don't get me wrong, they're alright people, it's just that I don't really consider 'em close friends that I can rely on. My friends from high sch are few and scarce, the cool thing is I've been running into people that I went to junior high with. It's hard to meet people at the U, even if you strike up a conversation with some random person, it's highly unlikely you'll see them again.

My brown belt test is 'sposed to be in nov. but i don't think I'm gonna take it. There's less shame in sayin you didn't take the test than sayin you failed. It's hard to go to Ging Wu on a regular basis but I'm tryin...... I already know I won't be able to make it on wed 'cause of a midterm on thurs. Ging Wu's changin.... It's weird but I can feel it...... We're not takin any new students for a while and this makes me wonder why? What's goin on? Maybe there's some conspiracy goin on...... I can't say too much.......

wed: chem 101 midterm #1
thurs: chem 161 midterm #1, bio lab report #1 due
next wed: bio midterm
next fri: math midterm

I'm pretty stressed right now. [I can't find an article to go with my lab report.] And it just so happens that I'm gettin sick again.

[I hate labs with a passion.]

Our family had Thanksgiving dinner sat, I thought that was the only obligation I'd have this weekend but last night my parents decided to have a barbecue today. Great...... another family dinner to waste my time.... only good thing that came of this was the food.