word of the day: minor
It's new year's eve and I have no plans.... how minor/loser-ish.

The truth is overrated. Anyone who tells you they want the truth is a goddamn liar. People only want you to say what they want to hear. In fact, telling the out right truth can get you in nasty trouble. All this "honesty is the key" is crapola. If you know the truth is gonna hurt that person, my advice to you is lie, like the bastard you are. I mean, nobody is impressed if they tell you that, for example, they love you and you tell them..... I'm not at the same place. For god's sake, just suck it up and say the freakin words. This relates back to an earlier post; you don't have to mean it. We're all liars and if you say you're not, then you're just a filthy liar. That's my schpeil for today... no reason, it just kinda popped into my mind.

Wow, my heart is black... there was a time when I valued the power of the words "I love you" but no more.... so many people throw it around now. I just do the same.

Just got up about 20 minutes ago.... if you're a guy, ignore the next sentence. Cramps are extremely hard to sleep with. Anyway, good thing I lowered my standards for the party before I got there cause it was hella boring for a good portion of the night. The funnest time I had was playing cards so that should put things into perspective for ya. The lesson of the night was: don't tell kayla anythin. Kayla, if you're reading this, YOU SUCK! Hmm... Linda got me cow slippers that I think I mentioned in passing to her so that was super thoughtful of her. Ada got me socks and stuff from the body shop which is pretty cool also. Why do I keep buyin stuff for ppl that someone else also bought 'em? Yes... that's all I have to say except I am a bit disappointed that something didn't work out like it was sposed to.... but no biggie. Better days!

Sweet! Christmas cards 50% off! I am so smrt. Also, bought the last of ada's present so I guess my trip to the mall was pretty productive. Gotta hang out with my creepy bachelor uncle tomorrow.... but hopefully mon will be cool.

Hmm, I think when I'm around too many people it makes me feel nauseous... I felt super lousy after a few hours of tryin to manouver around slow asses. I'm goin to the mall again tomorrow; maybe I do live at the mall.... but I'm only goin cause my friend who had to work today called me and asked me to go with her, prolly won't buy anythin tomorrow. Today, I got puma shoes, a puma shirt, a diesel shirt, and a couple pairs of diesel jeans. With the exception of the diesel shirt, all the other stuff was only 20-25% off. Not a great deal but better than nothin. Oh ya, my brother got me diesel shoes for christmas and he's gonna pay for one of the pairs of jeans (christmas/birthday present) so all is right in the world.

Well, I just walked to the bus stop only to find that my bus only runs every hour today. Now I'm sittin here waitin for my parents to come back and give me a ride even though my mom's car is in the garage... but then again, I prolly wouldn't enjoy tryin to find a parking space boxing day at west edm mall. And I guess I was too super tired/bitter to say it yest but MERRY CHRISTMAS

I love you. They're just words, you don't have to mean 'em.

I wanna thank everyone for this past year. It included a realization that lead to cutting out a former friend, goin through a lot of shit at work and finally realizing that it wasn't worth it, slacking through the last of my diploma exams which I came out of with a barely honours average, and going through hell (i.e. my first term of univ); it hasn't all been bad. Even though I've lost touch with a lot of my high sch friends, I'm recently realizing that maybe it's for the best since I didn't really fit with anyone. These past four months have really made me take a look at myself and I think I'm just too lazy, hopefully I can turn it around in this new year. I've met a few people who have this incredible power to make me smile or even laugh hysterically when I'm in a horrible mood and I hope I don't lose touch with these people for a good long while. All in all, I'm incredibly satisfied with the way this year has gone, it's been a great growing/learning process and I'm a better person for it. I hope you all have a great year and overcome any obstacles that come your way. But if you need a little help, just let me know what I can do. Better days.

Bad news: my break is half over but I gotta look on the bright side, christmas is tomorrow which isn't that big of a deal since the only ppl that celebrate christmas in my family are my aunts and uncles on my dad's side who all pitch in together to get me like a $20 gift (uber cheap? I think so). It's my brother's day off so we're goin to the bank to cash his check then we're goin to the mall so he can buy me my present. Tonight is christmas supper, after which I'm sure I'll be allowed to open my $20 gift (yay?). Hey, I'm not really lookin at the bright side, am I? Damn my bitterness, the food is gonna be great so I'm just gonna shut up and leave it at that. Happy holidays!

No cavities! Sweet, that means back to eatin tons of chocolate and drinkin stuff choc full of sugar. Mmmm....

Got up sorta early today (9am) to meet my friend at west edm mall at 11am. Shopped till 1ish at which point, she had to go to work and I came home with a few presents.... good thing christmas party is not till the 29th cause at this point, ada's present is still lacking....

Surprisingly, two days before christmas, the mall was not as busy as I expected. Maybe cause I went pretty early in the day. I am currently not lookin forward to my dentist appointment this evening but I am lookin forward to christmas dinner tomorrow night at grandma's house :)

Back to the beginning, what to get ada...

Sick of sorrow. I'm sick of the pain. I'm sick of hearing, again and again, that there's gonna be Peace on Earth. - U2

So, I feel like havin a "deep" blog right now. If you dont care, stop reading now. How do you know whether you made the right choice? I mean, there have been so many people I've met and the first impression they gave was lousy so I never talked to 'em again, what if that person could have been a really great person? What if I've missed out on a really great friend? Or what if I had a great friend once upon a time and through my own stupidity, I lost touch with them for whatever reason. What if I really should have given 'em another chance? Life's full of what if's but sometimes we regret things we shouldn't and overlook things we should.

I'm not gonna get bent outta shape thinkin bout ppl that have entered and exited my life. I'm very happy with the ppl that are currently in my life whether I've just met them recently, known them sometime before and am now talkin with again, or known them for years. I think I'm finally surrounded by ppl who are good for me but we'll see once I get to know 'em a bit better. Hopefully, my judgement on past "friends" were the right ones.

I guess christmas has the power of making you think about who you could be spending it with but I'm optimistic bout the ppl I'm meeting and maybe friends I'm making. That's all for now... if you're still reading, you either care or you're just bored and have nothin better to do. At any rate, thanks for listenin to my two cents.

Welps, I'm done what little christmas shopping I had to do. Got my brother an energie jacket ages ago, already gave it to him. For my mom, a tiny cat clock... she doesn't celebrate christmas so I really didn't wanna spend too much money. I'm cheap, so sue me. By the same token, I haven't gotten my dad's present; I'm plannin on gettin somethin boxing day since he won't mind plus I save some money which he's always happy bout since he gives me my money. Got ada a little somethin even though she told me not to, it's a small small gesture really. I wouldn't really even call it a present more like a stockin stuffer. And I also got linda a small present, she claims she's gonna kick my ass but I know that's code for "thank you Jo, you're the greatest there ever was." Merry Christmas! I hope everyone loves my gifts. I've been informed that there are only 4 days till christmas.... krazazy, isn't it?

Morning all, today should be semi-interesting.... goin to ikea, possibly mexx outlet, future shop or best buy, safeway or save on, maybe chinatown. Tonight, I gotta go to some chinese association dinner which could go either way. I could be miserable or it could be alright. I'll let you know later since you all care so much.

So I have all my marks back except for my eng midterm. Without eng, my average is 2.625. Right now, I have a 2.25 in eng but I'm sure the midterm will bring me way down. If I got a D on my midterm, then my eng mark becomes 1.83 and overall my mark becomes 2.44 which I can accept for this first term. But if I fail the midterm then my eng becomes 1.5 and overall becomes 2.38 which would really suck. So really, I just have to hope I didn't fail the eng midterm and I'll be fine.

I'm so bored! I can't stand this, my brain feels like it's rotting away. But I can't go to sleep now otherwise I'll wake up too early. Grr, I need someone to entertain me. But boredom is contagious and I'm spreadin it like wildfire.

So I've come to the conclusion that I say really stupid things just to fill the silence. Or maybe I'm just so anxious to have everyone like me that I end up sayin somethin stupid and therefore makin everyone think I'm super weird and not want to talk to me. Or maybe I just don't know when to stop talkin. Like right now, I'm rambling on about nothin and I don't know why. I just want to kill time. But I've always been a strong believer that if you don't have anythin good to say, just shut up. So I really shouldn't be sayin anythin at all right now since I never have anythin important or even remotely intelligent to say.

But what if I just spit out random things until one of them actually fits the situation then someone will think I'm smart and that might be worth all the stupid looks I get. That way I don't have to shut up even though I probably should. "Less is more." Is that true? I mean, it's a cliche so it's gotta have some substance otherwise why would people keep sayin it... but the word less is actually the opposite of the word more so how can less be more?

Where am I going with this? If you're still reading, you must be just as bored as I am. So go spread the boredom and have a nice life.

Well, I've helped out at my mom's optical for three days. Three very boring days... but they weren't too bad. Not goin again till monday so yay for sleeping in. So this crazy lady that my mom knew back when she wasn't crazy came in and started wiping stuff and mopping and such; she then proceeded to go into the back of the store and steal some cookies at which point my mom caught her and she finally left. Here's the catch, she's crazy cause she used to go to univ then she failed. Now there's a cautionary tale for ya; moral of the day: don't think too much, it's bad for your mind.

Chem 101: B-
Biol 107: C+
Chem 161: C+

Now, these marks are pretty crappy but for the amount of effort I put into studyin, they're better than I deserved. I still have no clue what I got in math (I'm thinkin/hopin for a B+).... or my eng midterm which I don't care too much about. I only have a C in eng.... and I'm sure the midterm will bring that down but whatever, I can always bring it up next term.... the perk to full year courses.

Well, kung fu last night was really harsh considerin I hadn't been there in a week and a half. I am seriously outta shape... I disgust me. At around 3pm today, the ass soreness kicked in... this is the price I must pay.

Bought one thing today, just a tiny cat clock for my mom. Hope she likes it... but I'm mostly doin it out of obligation. My dad's so much harder to shop for, probably end up gettin him a shirt. Although, for father's day, I bought him a white polo and he hasn't worn it once (his excuse bein he doesn't wanna get it dirty) so note to self: no white. Maybe a nice grey dress shirt... I actually don't like christmas shoppin since you have to find somethin. It's better to just get ppl gifts out of nowhere, they're more surprised and everythin.

Yes, goin to kung fu tonight.... hope it'll be fun. Tomorrow, I start helpin out my mom at her optical.... I really hate how many native customers she has... I'm so racist. Oh well. Have a beautiful day because you are a beautiful person. Hahahahha! No seriously, have a good day.

Hmm... didn't buy a single thing today. I would say that it was a waste of four hours but I'm sure I would've been much more bored sittin at home all day. So it was good to get out of the house. Umm, still pretty unsure of what I'm gettin for ppl and whether or not I should get something for some ppl.... Don't really have anythin new to say so "peace on earth and good will towards man."

Morning all. As I mentioned in my last blog, I'm startin christmas shopping today. My parents drove my brother to work and from there, I guess they're goin on a date. They took my dad's car so the civic is sittin in the garage. Told my mom that I wanna be at the mall by 2 and she was a lil worried she wouldn't make it home in time so I suggested that she just let me drive her car. Now, I've driven to or past the mall literally hundreds of times but the overprotectivity of my parents always wins over so I'm sittin here waitin for them to come back and drive me. But anythin is better than takin the bus, don't wanna get hit on by another native. *gags*

Also, friday's ging wu christmas dinner, my mom drove me and my brother then stayed at her optical to do paperwork until we finished. She wouldn't have had to do that if my parents would just let me drive alone. See, I would've taken the bus to home, dropped off my stuff and picked up my dad's car which was sittin in the garage the whole time. Could've picked up Stephen on my way but nope. Oh well, maybe it's all for the better since I really don't wanna drive this winter. I know it's not that much harder but drivers tend to do stupider stuff in the winter time. You know, those ppl that brake every five seconds for no apparent reason. (i.e. my mom)

But ya, like I've mentioned before, I'm actually starting to save up for my own car even though it'll be such a hassle to maintain it.... but if by the end of april, I'm still not allowed to drive alone, I'm gonna be uber pissed and that'll prolly urge me to buy my own car. Anyways, I'm gettin pretty hungry now so laters.

I'm trying to look forward to the holiday season but every once in a while, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomache that makes me sick. I get this when I think bout my performance on my exams. But the important thing is I've learnt something this term. I can't be lazy anymore. I know it's hard to take me seriously when I say next term will be different. But I'm adamant that it will be. I can't let myself do so horribly, I need like a 3.4 gpa and this term I'll be lucky if I get a 2.4 so that should put things into perspective.

Near the beginning, I was questioning whether I had what it takes for university and now I know that I do. When I apply myself, I get great marks but it's the times when I slack off that I walk out of exams depressed. Now why would I want to make myself depressed?! I wouldn't, so the only logical thing to do is work harder next term.

That's enough sch talk for now. Merry christmas! I'm going shopping tomorrow and monday, hopefully I'll pick up some uber cool presents for some ppl. Night.

Holy shit! The most disgusting thing happened to me yesterday. I was on the bus on my way to my mom's optical when this native sat next to me. The story cut short is he asked me for my number. I got hit on my a native, dear lord. I feel so dirty. *shudders* This just reconfirms my suspicions that the only guys that hit on me are complete dirtbags. Where have all the decent ones gone!?!?!?

Totally failed all my finals but whatever, cause I'm done! I am officially on christmas break.

86% on the bio lab final! Freakin sweet! Had my math final today, it went alright although I know there were some questions where I fucked up but I deserved it for not studying more. I'm thinkin I got like a 70% depending on how generous the part marks are. Tomorrow is my last day, got an eng midterm and an organic final. I'm not lookin forward to either.

I wonder how long I can go without getting in any fights with family or friends. I think the major challenge will be with my mom since she is definitely going through menopause. Remember, getting mad is bad for your soul. On a sidenote: I should stock up on pie. I just remembered that when I get really pissed, if I sit down and have a slice of pie all my troubles seem to drift away.

Fuck ya! Today was actually an alright day besides the fact that I am seriously sleep deprived. Even though I didn't have an exam today (which is probably a large part of why it wasn't that bad of a day), I went to sch since I did have an organic help session to go to. Got to sch at 930, did some half-ass studying till about 4 at which point I basically stared at my practice finals without actually doing any real work. But what really made my day was my organic lab final mark: 81%!!!! Freakin right! I know it's not a super great mark but still it's pretty good since I've been pretty down lately. That's all for now.

I'm very disappointed in myself at the moment. And it's hard to focus on the next exam when you just failed. There's important lessons to be learnt by this horrible first term. There's no where to go but up from here.

Hey guys, found somethin else I want to add to the list (originally posted Nov 30)

Romeo Must Die ~$14.99


Also, that Neptunes CD is way cheaper at future shop. It's on sale for ~$14.99! Yay for christmas!

Hmm... I think I have to take chem 163 as a pre-req for physiology..... this whomps. I hate organic chem so much.

By this time next week I will be happy/tired. Hmm... the more I think about it the more I wanna just go home and sleep that day instead of goin to see christmas carol... plus I'd save $55... but it's christmas! I don't know, I'm very indecisive at the moment.

So the marks I need on my finals are as follows:
Chem 101: 2.4 or 2.7
Bio: 2.4 or 2.7
Math: 3.4
Chem 161: 2.4 or 2.7
and Eng midterm: 2.4 or 2.7

If I can get those marks, my average will be around 2.4-2.7 which I'll be happy with. For the most part, I think I'm capable of gettin these marks except eng is a bit if-y cause it all depends on if I'm thinkin sharp that day.

You should all know that I think christmas is the best time of year. Now, with that said, who wants to see a christmas carol playing at the citadel? Now, the price is a bit steep I admit ($55) but come on! It's christmas! And you can count it as my present if you come. Also, whoever gives me a ride home afterward, I'll pay for their ticket. Remember: I live in the booneys way on the edge of town though.

"Numb" - Linkin Park

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I'll never be good enough for my mom. I know this, but I insist on disregarding it. Why? Why the fuck do I put myself through this for her? Cause I love her but let me tell you I wouldn't love my mom if she wasn't my mom. I hate her so much, I hate the person she is and a large part of the person I am striving to become is everything she is not.

It's like her life goal is to belittle me. I do everything for her, I picked my career for her. My life is set up to be what she wants it to be. I don't know what the fuck she wants from me. I feel like I can't give it to her, she'll never be satisfied. I want to make her proud but everytime I think I'm getting close, it all crumbles. I feel so useless.

I know what I should do. I should live for myself because my life is just that: mine. But if I know this, why don't I do it? Why is it so hard to get out of something I know is bad for me? I hate that I rely on my mom for certain things because I feel like I give so much more than I take and it's never enough for her.